Almost heaven, West Virginia

Let me preface this by saying that I think West Virginia is absolutely beautiful, and I mean that!  Some day I hope that my kids really appreciate all of the traveling that I have done to attend their activities!  This past weekend, "Pook" and "The Surprise"  were in a remote part of West Virginia for a football game.  Please keep in mind that with the exception of a few large cities, everything in West Virginia is remote. 

I have come to several conclusions after traveling alone through this mountainous state.  First of all, moonshine was clearly involved when the roads were built.  The longest stretch of straight road is about ten feet.  I took more hairpin turns than a NASCAR driver on Saturday.  As an added joke they put up speed limit signs.  As if anyone could go over 30 mph on these narrow roads with twists and turns on narrow roads on the edge of cliffs!!!!  They also add a little notice at the bottom: "Speed radar enforced".  Go ahead, but instead of a ticket give a trophy to anyone who can speed!  Radar?  My satellite radio continually lost stations!

Second, if anything were to happen illegally, West Virginia is a great location!  As I said before, everything here is "remote". I would not have been surprised if the song from the movie "Deliverance"  mysteriously played on my radio.  I drove past more trailers and cabins that look like hunting camps than I ever saw in Pennsylvania!  You know people are using them, but you never saw people.  Everything is tucked into mountains and forests.  I understand how moonshine thrived and how government agents struggled to shut them down.

Third, If I ever need to go "off the grid" or if war breaks out in the United States, I am heading to West Virginia.  There are no McDonald's or Burger Kings on these back roads.  I only saw a building called "The Hillbilly Inn".  During this picturesque drive, I could easily imagine soldiers on foot hiding in the hills during the Civil War!  At times, it seemed virtually untouched by modern times.

Thankfully, I made it to the football game, which is where another story begins.  The dragon and I once again did battle during my texting attempts.  It is my job to keep everyone up to date on the game if they cannot go.  I knew it was bad when I was getting a lot of "What!?" in answer.  "Calvin's" girlfriend even asked if I had been drinking. Sadly, no.  Here is a sampling:

"Three plays, three pemties. Gonna be a long day."  None of us knows what a pemtie is, probably should have been penalty.

"OMG! A mass to the right!"  To which "Mommy" asked if it was cancerous.  Very funny, that should have been pass.

"This place is Expedia sive.  Mouse chased all of the women out of the bathroom!"  Expedia sive should have been expensive and the part about the mouse was accurate!  Thank God it was after I had been in there.

"Thank Zoe for the clouds!"  Whether it was Zoe or God, the clouds were a blessing on this hot sunny day!

I swear I did not type any of those words!  My phone is cursed, of that I am sure.  Each week of texting/broadcasting to the family brings me face to face with the Dragon!  Many times my kids are able to decipher the code by looking at the keyboard.  Most of the time, they just get sick to their stomachs laughing and sharing my messages!  Thanks guys!  Stay tuned for next weeks game!