I love birthdays....for the kids. I hit an age, and I am not really sure if it was this year or in the past few, that my birthdays in particular make me reflect on the life that I have had. Sometimes, I think that I think too much. I know Doc will agree with that. I can't really connect any of this to a particular age. But I can say that this year was particularly reflective.
Going backwards and remembering childhood for me, is not too terribly bad. It wasn't always the best world to live in, and I certainly did plenty of stupid "kid" things that I would do differently if I had a "do over". On second thought, I probably wouldn't have done anything different. When we are kids we live in the moment!
I look back on our wedding and remember thinking the whole world was only about that day. I could not conceive of our first anniversary, the tenth or even the 25th. My world started and existed only on that day. And then it was gone. As I look back, I think I would do a few things differently. I wish I had been more confident in myself. And being a little older, maybe I would have changed a few things. But also looking back from my seat now, I realize that the flowers, the meal, the dress....none of that was important. What really counted was the fact that we stood in front of God and made promises to each other as well as God. Believe me, that has carried us through our tough times.
And, of course I look back on raising a family. Especially since my heart overflowed this weekend as I got to meet our newest Granddaughter. I marveled at the love and the relationship between Calvin and P3 and wondered if we had been there once. Calvin is an awful lot like Doc. But, I started to wonder where in raising the kids I had made mistakes. Did I spend enough time with them, did I love them enough, did I give them too much, did I hold them accountable? I would like to think I did.
And I looked at myself and the friendships and the relationships that I have had. And I wondered, have I been the person I should have been. Was I there when someone needed me? Did I do the things that God would have wanted?
In the past, birthdays were all about celebrating and gifts. This year, I heavily reflected. Doc reminded me that we don't get "Do Overs". What has happened has happened. Correct what you can. Live your life. Be thankful for the gifts you have received from God. Be thankful for the life you have had and do better each year. Weird. When did he get profound?!
I guess the main thought in all this is exactly what Doc said. We don't get "Do Overs". Try to remember that every single day of your life and give every day the best of what you have, even when it doesn't seem like enough! Have a blessed week!!!
Wife, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Nurse, Grandmother, Friend...that's me in a nutshell!