Let's start out by saying that I am not a fan of newspapers. More often than not I have found that they "design" information so that you will follow their train of thought and ideologies. I say, give me the facts please. I am an intelligent human being and I am able to come to my own conclusions. And to take a totally left turn, which you should understand soon, I am not afraid to look at myself and laugh....a lot!
So several years ago, while the kids were still in school, I decided to get a newspaper subscription to the local paper. I wanted to read the articles about my kids and put them in their scrapbooks. I also thought that as a representative of the community, I should stay on top of things. A few weeks before that, my brother had decided to get the paper also. In rural areas, they do not bring the paper to your door. There is a box attached to your mailbox. In our case, that puts it a half mile from our house. But okay, I was usually going out every day and it was also a good opportunity to take a walk. A long walk, but a walk nonetheless. Delivery of the paper was not going well, somehow one or both of us were not getting our papers. But we were paying for them! After realizing what was going on, the amateur sleuth in my started creeping out. Love those detective and crime shows! I was able to narrow down the time that the paper was disappearing. It was being delivered but it was disappearing.
One morning, I went down to "Calvin's" room and told him that I was going to go wait for the newspaper to be stolen. He quietly turned and looked at me and said "But mom, you are wearing boxer shorts, a tee shirt and isn't that "Pook's jacket?" My reply, "yes, I know. But don't worry, I am taking the Gator and a blanket in case it gets chilly. I am going to catch the paper thief." In true form, he rolled his eyes and went back to studying.
So I drove down the driveway and hid in the bushes with the Gator. Sure enough at the estimated time, the neighbor came down their driveway. She looked in her newspaper box, then in my brother's box. Both were empty. She promptly went to my newspaper box and began removing the paper. Gotcha! I immediately jumped out of the bushes, so to speak. Remember, I was driving a utility vehicle and said "I believe that is my paper." I am sure that I didn't give her a heart attack but I will bet that she peed her pants a little. I just wish I had a better line to say.
I got my paper and drove immediately to my brother's to bask in the glory with the only other person who understood my motivation and methods! My kids were all deeply concerned with my behavior as well as the victory celebrations that ensued. I believe there was some talk of nursing homes again. But - GOTCHA!
Wife, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Nurse, Grandmother, Friend...that's me in a nutshell!