Is It Me?

Do you remember reading in the bible about John asking Jesus if he was the first among the Apostles?  We have an ongoing debate in our house about who is my "John".  "Pook" will flat out tell you that he is the favorite.  And he is - some days.  In fact, each of the seven is the favorite on any given number of days.  There are also days when any one of them is in danger of being strung up and tortured.  It just depends on the day and the circumstances.

It does bother me though, to think that any one of the seven believes that one of the others, usually "Pook" is the favorite.  Now he has set them all up for it.  He will regularly announce that "I am Mom's favorite."  I never respond.  If I am driving and I ask him to send a text on my behalf to "The Ninja" and she asks what I am doing, he will answer "oh, I am just hanging out with my favorite son."  And "The Ninja" always replies "Hi Pook!"

Any parent with multiple children who tells you or even their children that they love them all the same is in my opinion a liar. Or, they are not a very realistic parent.   It is impossible to love them all the same unless they are identical robots.  I am not sure that you can love a robot at all.  If you have done your job as a parent, then you have raised unique individuals with their own personalities, likes, dislikes, etc.  There is a common thread that runs through all of my children, but that thread also holds together the patches of the quilt that is uniquely "Mommy", "Calvin", "Super Son", "Mini Me", "The Blonde", "Pook" and "The Surprise".  I cannot possibly love them the same, because they are not the same.

Don't be afraid to tell them that.  Don't be afraid to tell them your feelings either.  You are raising human beings and they will hurt you, disappoint you and make you angry and make you cry.  They will also make you proud of them, smile, laugh and enjoy each day more because of their presence.  It's okay for them to know that you want to ring their necks some days.  It is okay for them to understand that while you don't like them right now, you still love them with all your heart.  They need that honesty and the security of knowing that your love is a constant.  They need to be told when they are wrong, they need to learn how to correct that wrong.  They need to know all of these things if they are going to continue on independently in their own lives and carry on healthy relationships.  No one who grows up believing that the world revolves around them, can possibly maintain an adult relationship for long.  At least not a good one!Your children are human.  You are also human!  All of us make mistakes. 

The bottom line:  It is not about the mistakes that you make, it is about what you do after you make the mistake.