MORE BULLIES -3

Okay, so still back at the beginning, what is wrong with me, my kids, my friend that I/we/they get targeted by bullies.  Absolutely nothing.  What I have found in reading, talking, watching is that there is no one reason why someone gets targeted.  It is generally random.  The bully or bullies do their thing and move on to someone else for a completely different reason.  It is not because you are too fat, too skinny, too tall, or too short.  But - those are the kinds of things you get hit with and it makes you feel like there really is something wrong with you.

I have seen solo bullies and bullies that run in packs.  Both are vicious with the "fun" they are having.  Again, bullying can be as subtle as a look that makes you feel uncomfortable every time you are around.  It can be as simple as a whisper and a giggle between people when you walk into a room.  It can become more blatant with remarks made out loud as you walk by or gestures.  It can be more physical like being verbally or physically threatened.  It can actually be physical harm.  The emotional damage is always there.

I have found that bullies get some immediate satisfaction out of what they are doing.  In some strange way it makes them feel stronger and better about themselves.  I have had numerous conversations with my kids and have told them that the bully is actually the one with low self-esteem. They need to do these things to make themselves feel better than everyone else.  They are unable to improve their self-esteem in a healthy way.  Having had those conversations with my kids, and having gone through it myself - that does not help you when you are the target. 

It also does not help, knowing as I do now that they generally have no clue what they have done to you.  I can remember being terrified to go to my class reunion and how sick I felt when that group of girls showed up.  My body tensed up and I suppose I was waiting for food to be thrown at me or to hear some nasty comment.  Imagine my shock when I was greeted like a long lost best friend!!! 

Stay tuned to start talking about what we can do for our kids.